Self Driving Cars in Country Music

I saw a meme saying, “Another thing that country singers can talk about leaving them” .  Let’s see if we can write one in 10 minutes

 

I didn’t think she’d ever leave me,

She put it in drive, and set me free,

I didn’t even say she was  hefty,

But my Self Driving truck just left me,

 

The first time I met her it was a dream,

I’d call her my free driving machine,

We’d rustle cattle, and splash around.

Then we’d take a drive through town,

I just knew that we were meant to be,

My truck was so damn sexy,

I didn’t ever see how we would break apart,

Now I got a truck note and a shopping cart.

 

I didn’t think she’d ever leave me,

She put it in drive, and set me free,

I didn’t even say she was  hefty,

But my Self Driving truck just left me.

 

We’d play Waylon Jennings on that surround sound,

My Truck, and my dog would always be around.

But then she stopped letting me change the tunes,

And she didn’t like working past noon,

She wanted oil changes from another man,

I tried and tried the best I can…but

 

I didn’t think she’d ever leave me,

She put it in drive, and set me free,

I didn’t even say she was  hefty,

But my Self Driving truck just left me,

 

 

 

151 Alcohol and living…

I promised a blog about me and the number 151 which is feared by city folk, laughed at by real moonshiners trying to sound like it was nothing, knowing it’s not much less that what they make. I love to drink, I used it to hide my PTSD from the Army, Dating, and my multiple personalities, (one who objects to this post). That means I will have to spell check the shit out of this post.

It all started with Jack Daniels Actually, later I may show you on the bottle where he touched me. College, won’t name the name, but UH, it was a no brainer living in Houston, and not being able to afford Rice at the time. It is funny growing up poor on rice, and then denied by Rice. Actually they didn’t deny my superior brain, they just wanted money my parents didn’t have. And I was a music major, not worthy of a full paid scholarship, unless you are out of this world. My skills were from Paraguay.

I swallowed Jack in College one night, got shit faced drunk, and laughed at myself in the mirror as I was throwing up, making fun of myself. See, I told you I have multiple personalities, so always remember, you get the personality you deserve when you talk to me. Anyways didn’t drink for six months, but I was no quitter. Went dancing with my Aunt cause I looked old enough. And then I went to the Army, drinking age in Europe is 18, not 21.

My first experience with 151 was anti epic. I wanted the more bang for the buck since we had ration cards. We could only get so much tobacco and alcohol each month. So you know what we did eventually? Do I have to explain, oh wait Trump is in office.

What we did was whomever didn’t drink, and whomever didn’t smoke teamed up to maximize our ration cards. I even had someone from West Virginia, who got high off of Dr Pepper and traded to get more supplies ,to influence the barracks. No wonder they don’t have any jobs over there anymore. That was my “Art of the Deal”.

Shore story long, in the winter it gets dark before we get released in the Army, usually 4:30, clubs don’t start pumping til midnight. I had filled a squeeze bottle with 151 n coke. When everyone else left to the club I had already thrown up and passed out…of course in the morning, no hangover, let’s do breakfast, when I got my first “You fucking young kids”.

Fast forward to civilian life I was a 151 baby, Pina Coladas n such, if it was Rum it was 151 (that Rhymes)…all the partying and such is on another blog. I will say, as a manic depressed person, as crazy as I got on social media it was keeping me grounded, even after I lost my mom to cancer. My late great comedian friend Ed Blake even told me, “You are the definition of a functioning drunk.”

I finally turned my back on it lately for weight purposes, also coca cola, and eating out big girls, it’s not good for your waistline. Two of those statements are real, you decide.

I will still do a drink or shot of it once in awhile to appease the gods…or if I’m in Midtown and those fucking prices are ridiculous!  As of now it’s cheap vodka mixed with club soda or non sugar tea. But I carry it a 1 to 5 mixture, with 1 straw.

My Obituary

David Leon Reyes, aka ReyRey, nick named Pretty Boy in Middle School while playing football for the middle school because of a blind side hit that knocked the wind out of him…aka self proclaimed Jimmy’z in high school, finally went to prove his notion of a Reba McEntire song, “Is There Life Out There” today. The Step Son (maybe) of a Pentecostal Preacher who happened to be black and who he looked like more and more as he got older, and a self proclaiming witch who happened to be Mexican and taught him to embrace Caucasian Culture by making sure he pronounced his words “Like the Whites”,  sometimes painfully.

The Doctor, as he liked to call himself because of his initials, went from a nobody, to a somebody, then said “Fuck That”, I want to be a nobody again after America went crazy and voted in “He who should not be named”. From a preacher’s child beginning, to saying “I don’t like pain in football” to playing the flute. In High school to avoid bullying he switched to Percussion. He even became Junior Drum major, who quit for 30 minutes, because of a new director…

He went on to become a music and English major at UH. He didn’t finish, he became a Alum Gone Outti. He did however, in Facebook users opinions become a “Facebook Grammar Nazi”. He went on to work at the defunct Astroworld, making people pay to sing and take their voices home, on Cassette? How old is this guy? He also worked for Kroger, in various positions, but his secret to not eating the Rotisserie chicken will be lost.

He then joined the Army, not to serve his country, but damn those student loans (Which the Army never paid) were like, bam! He lived in a tent for 9 months, which he joked on stage when he became a comedian, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I wonder how much this is going to cost to get in the papers? He did suffer from PTDS, as he lost a friend, and it was a peace time mission when Yugoslavia fell apart in ’94. His decision that day not to go on the mission is what cost that Father’s life, or so he still believed before today.

He went on to get into a Love Triangle right out the the Army. He lost, so he decided to take the road less traveled and be an image in a woman’s mind when she was happily married for 10 years….if I have to explain…never mind. He got bored and moved into karaoke DJ, then comedy.  He even helped bring blogging to The Houston Chronicle when it first went online as Laugh101. It’s still there to this day in their server, which will make sense later on.

He performed with the likes of Carlos Mencia, Thea Vidal, Spanky, Danny Martinez, Roy Wood Jr, and others.  Three out of those five he liked. He hates the Improv, because of a deal gone bad…guess today really means he’ll never work there, ever. Anyways, he chose to be a road comic, going to the small towns to bring joy. He drank with Republican and Democratic Red Necks…sharing bottles of Jack.

He found his Soul Mate in in 2013, and for the first time went all in. He busted in 2015.  His comedy started to get dark and he chose to not perform again, calling her a towel Nazi was just too harsh. He decided to ditch the road because of whom they voted for… Get closer, he did perform a couple of times, but never for money again, or to small town America…shhhh. But he still wrote skits and bits until his untimely passing.

He will be remembered for a Muslim Woman falling out of his car, then making a joke of it, all those women he had sex with, (beauty is just a stigma) and his charming presence when he wasn’t drunk,  or not drunk enough to be annoying. He’ll be remembered for all the times he slept in his car, because he knew he was too drunk to drive. He’ll be remembered for bringing a smile to someone’s face who had a tough day, as long as you paid him enough, sometimes. He’ll also be remembered as a great dancer, or so I heard.

He will forever be remembered on Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, The Houston Chronicle, and other social media outlets in a Government Server somewhere hidden in a black site the aliens will find in a Thousand Years.

 

RIP 1975-2020, we  already burned you at The Crematory, so no afterlife worries.